Baby Milestones…

I’ve been meaning to post this for a while but time (babies) get in the way! We’ve all seen the Milestone Cards that you can get for newborn babies – “Today I smiled for the first time”, “Today I am 4 months old” … am I the only one who thinks there should be cards with the real milestones? :

  • Today we didn’t leave the house, Mummy didn’t wash and sat on the couch crying in her knickers
  • Today is Day 7 of Mummy not washing her hair
  • Today mummy’s boob milk squirted me in the eye
  • Today Mummy put mascara on and I made her cry so much she looked like a pierot Clown
  • Today Mummy dropped biscuit crumbs on my head whilst breastfeeding
  • Today Mummy called Daddy a twat for not buying more Jaffa Cakes
  • Today Mummy called Daddy a twat for sneezing too loud
  • Today Mummy called Daddy a twat for snoring through my cries
  • Today Mummy called Daddy a twat
  • Today Mummy screamed into a pillow
  • Today I projectile vomited
  • Today I projectile pooed
  • Today I shit up my best outfit and ruined it
  • Today I shit, Mummy started to clean me and I shit again immediately
  • Today i’ve got a cold and Mummy sucked the snot out of my nose
  • Today Mummy put on her best outfit to meet her friends for lunch so I vomited on her
  • Today Mummy tried to give me something other than puree, I ate it, nearly choked and Mummy shit herself
  • Today I fell off the bed
  • Today I fell off the couch
  • Today I sat up by myself and then hit my head on the floor
  • Today I pulled Mummy’s hair so hard she screamed
  • Today I would not let mummy put a nappy or clothes on me
  • Today Mummy drank prosecco at lunch time just like she did yesterday… and the day before
  • Today I feel refreshed after sleeping through the night, tonight I will be up every hour

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